WORKSHEET
Seeing our Early Loss Clearly, with Ages
Seeing our Early Loss Clearly, with Ages
A "WORKSHEET" is simply a way for you to look squarely at yourself and see where you are. Like a GPS system in your car or in your phone, you have to know where you're at, honestly, clearly and completely.
At the beginning of these worksheets, take time to pause and quiet yourself, breathing and relaxing as mentioned in the "HOW TO USE" tab. This is a great time for reflection as to how to care for yourself. Ask the Holy Spirit for inspiration and insight as you work through this worksheet.
This particular Worksheet "Scale" is revealing and therefore valuable because it helps explain WHEN our feelings and beliefs were formed! Several research studies have found that many of our core needs (click HERE to refer back to "HEART OF OUR BELIEFS" page) actually have been met and filled, or unmet and unfulfilled, quite early in life, from infancy to and through our teen years and beyond. Quite often we do not even realize where we are today on such a scale as shown below, and just as often we can't figure out why we think and feel the way we do, let alone how we came to this point in our life.
It is quite true that our reaction and handling of current events in our lives depends to a great deal on our early experiences in having our core needs filled or unfilled. Try to remember these stages in your own life!
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Birth to 1 1/2 years old:
Unlovable and Frightened as opposed to Feeling Deeply Loved and Secure
* Describe the circumstances in your family at the time of your birth.
* How might these circumstances have affected your sense that you would be cared for, protected and loved?
* Did your mother have a positive sense of self-esteem?
* What about your father's sense of self-esteem?
1 1/2 to 3 years old:
Unaccepted and Inadequate as opposed to Accepted and Capable
* How did your parents discipline?
* Did you feel overly controlled, or that everything was "out of control"?
* Were you encouraged to be dependent or independent?
* What (if any) emotions were commonly expressed and shared in your family?
* Describe the ways in which your family showed affection.
3 to 6 years old:
Unworthy/“Bad” as opposed to Worthy/”Good”
* Were your attempts to show feelings, ask questions, solve problems or take risks encouraged with love, or were you criticized and made fun of?
6 years old to Puberty:
Isolation, Incompetent and Inferiority as opposed to Belonging, Capable and Included
* What are your most positive/negative memories of these years with your family and environment?
* What are your most positive/negative memories of your school, friends and peers?
Ages 12-18:
Insignificant and without Purpose as opposed to Significant and with a sense of Purpose
* Describe these years of transition from childhood to adulthood.
* What would you change, and what did you learn from them?
* Were you beginning to grow in your spiritual life?
Ages 19-35:
Lonely as opposed to Intimacy/Joy
* What strengths have you built into your life because of your personal history?
* How may your personal history be affecting your relationship with God, your spouse and children?
CREDIT: Adapted from Erik Erikson's "Pychosocial Stages of Development"
Now that you have finished the worksheet, its a great time to talk with Jesus about what has become more clear to you. As you do this, remember that He is with you, He sees you, He hears your call for help, He understands you with deep empathy, and His heart of Love intervenes to work all things together for good.
And a good conversation goes both ways, so be sure to then listen for all the insights He has for you! He will make the Scriptures you need come alive, He may use songs, He may use images, He may use "word-pictures", etc., all prepared especially for you and only you at this time of your healing and growth!
At the beginning of these worksheets, take time to pause and quiet yourself, breathing and relaxing as mentioned in the "HOW TO USE" tab. This is a great time for reflection as to how to care for yourself. Ask the Holy Spirit for inspiration and insight as you work through this worksheet.
This particular Worksheet "Scale" is revealing and therefore valuable because it helps explain WHEN our feelings and beliefs were formed! Several research studies have found that many of our core needs (click HERE to refer back to "HEART OF OUR BELIEFS" page) actually have been met and filled, or unmet and unfulfilled, quite early in life, from infancy to and through our teen years and beyond. Quite often we do not even realize where we are today on such a scale as shown below, and just as often we can't figure out why we think and feel the way we do, let alone how we came to this point in our life.
It is quite true that our reaction and handling of current events in our lives depends to a great deal on our early experiences in having our core needs filled or unfilled. Try to remember these stages in your own life!
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Birth to 1 1/2 years old:
Unlovable and Frightened as opposed to Feeling Deeply Loved and Secure
* Describe the circumstances in your family at the time of your birth.
* How might these circumstances have affected your sense that you would be cared for, protected and loved?
* Did your mother have a positive sense of self-esteem?
* What about your father's sense of self-esteem?
1 1/2 to 3 years old:
Unaccepted and Inadequate as opposed to Accepted and Capable
* How did your parents discipline?
* Did you feel overly controlled, or that everything was "out of control"?
* Were you encouraged to be dependent or independent?
* What (if any) emotions were commonly expressed and shared in your family?
* Describe the ways in which your family showed affection.
3 to 6 years old:
Unworthy/“Bad” as opposed to Worthy/”Good”
* Were your attempts to show feelings, ask questions, solve problems or take risks encouraged with love, or were you criticized and made fun of?
6 years old to Puberty:
Isolation, Incompetent and Inferiority as opposed to Belonging, Capable and Included
* What are your most positive/negative memories of these years with your family and environment?
* What are your most positive/negative memories of your school, friends and peers?
Ages 12-18:
Insignificant and without Purpose as opposed to Significant and with a sense of Purpose
* Describe these years of transition from childhood to adulthood.
* What would you change, and what did you learn from them?
* Were you beginning to grow in your spiritual life?
Ages 19-35:
Lonely as opposed to Intimacy/Joy
* What strengths have you built into your life because of your personal history?
* How may your personal history be affecting your relationship with God, your spouse and children?
CREDIT: Adapted from Erik Erikson's "Pychosocial Stages of Development"
Now that you have finished the worksheet, its a great time to talk with Jesus about what has become more clear to you. As you do this, remember that He is with you, He sees you, He hears your call for help, He understands you with deep empathy, and His heart of Love intervenes to work all things together for good.
And a good conversation goes both ways, so be sure to then listen for all the insights He has for you! He will make the Scriptures you need come alive, He may use songs, He may use images, He may use "word-pictures", etc., all prepared especially for you and only you at this time of your healing and growth!