CHANGE and GRIEF...
CHANGE Is a process! It happens in stages!
Although the following information is found in the material itself, we have also added it below due to its importance. Members will be working with change and grief as they identify their own losses and as they tell their stories. Knowing and being able to help members identify these stages will allow you to encourage them through these stages.
Research has identified predictable stages of change as follows:
Precontemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action, and finally, Maintenance. More information is available through the following website, www.prochange.com. Understanding the process of change can help you encourage each member to make the necessary choices to move forward; but also to be patient with realizing every person negotiates these stages at a different pace.
We will look at CHANGE as seen through the gospel story of the healing of the blind man (Mark 8:22...). This story is highlighted in Week 2. Jesus led the blind man out of town, in order to give him his sight back.
To repeat, change is always a step by step process. The first stage of change is when a person may not even realize that change is necessary or even possible (although Jesus as well as the person’s friends could see more clearly his need). The blind man in this story didn’t ask for healing; his friends did. He could have perhaps kept on going in his life as he had been; no change hoped for or accomplished.
The second stage of change is when a person becomes aware, admits and understands that they indeed need to redirect their life, that a change is needed. The blind man agreed to go on a walk with Jesus; he finally knew something should be done and his life turned around. Imagine as Jesus walked and talked with him, how choices would have become clear. He would be able with his spirit to now “see” a new possibility for tomorrow and a reason for hope.
Next, he allows Jesus to (of all things) spit on his eyes! He was at the important phase of change, which showed him accepting whenever and however Jesus the Healer would decide to work with him. He was building up his trust in this man Jesus as healer but also as friend.
Then, after receiving his sight, Jesus knew what type of TOTAL healing was necessary. He knew that if the blind man went back into town, he just might fall into some very harmful habits and patterns. So Jesus said bluntly, “Don’t go back to your old life! Leave that village where you were at for so long and enter a brand-new part of your life so you might live free and productively”. This was the final stage of healing: accepting and maintaining new thought patterns and beliefs, so that they could be embraced as a new way of everyday living.
Please note that during this entire story, Jesus was right next to this man. And He also is and will be next to each member of your group!
Moving on to “Grief” …
Understanding this process will help you find where a person is at, help you substitute a bright hope instead of a negative stone around their necks, and help the person stop the downward spiral to additional suffering in the final stages. Here are the stages…
* I find myself in DENIAL: this can be experienced as a sense of detachment and numbness from your feelings, and others. Then…
* I find myself ANGRY: this can be experienced as an overall agitation, irritability and aggressiveness. You may find yourself surprised at your over reaction to the smallest irritation in your daily life. This can lead to overall fatigue and difficulty sleeping. Then…
* I find myself in BARGAINING AND CONTROL: this can be experienced as hyper-vigilant problem solving to fix and change the situation. Then…
* I find myself in WITHDRAWAL: this stage can be experienced as isolating from social interaction. You may experience a difficulty enjoying activities that at one time you found rewarding and refreshing. And finally…
* I find myself HOPELESS and SHUT DOWN: this stage can be experienced as resignation to what is perceived as inevitable.
Keep in mind that people can go forward or backwards in these stages. It is important to realize that bringing comfort to grief involves recognizing the stage someone is in and making sure they understand that alternative choices can be made to that process. Choices are always available! We can listen to words from Jesus that bring us healing, or own thoughts, or even words from the “enemy” that bring us down.
For example, as Denial is recognized, a choice to cry out to Jesus and others provides a safe place to receive comfort … we’re no longer alone. Similarly, acknowledgment of Anger offers an alternative … to release this reaction to Jesus. Rather than hypervigilant Control/Bargaining, trust and comfort can be chosen. Instead of Withdrawal, a personal relationship with Jesus, and then others, can bring hope and growth. The above-mentioned choices, which substitute turning to Jesus rather than turning inwards on ourselves, will lead to hope, joy and abundant life!
The next part of this Guide will provide pertinent information to help you more deeply understand each week’s goals, and how each week “flows”. Also, practical ideas as to how to assist in accomplishing these goals will be suggested. Most, importantly, let the Holy Spirit lead you regarding what is needed for your personal group. Trust the Holy Spirit for flexibility!
Click HERE to go to Weeks 1 & 2
Click HERE to return to the Facilitator's Guide Introduction page
CHANGE Is a process! It happens in stages!
Although the following information is found in the material itself, we have also added it below due to its importance. Members will be working with change and grief as they identify their own losses and as they tell their stories. Knowing and being able to help members identify these stages will allow you to encourage them through these stages.
Research has identified predictable stages of change as follows:
Precontemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action, and finally, Maintenance. More information is available through the following website, www.prochange.com. Understanding the process of change can help you encourage each member to make the necessary choices to move forward; but also to be patient with realizing every person negotiates these stages at a different pace.
We will look at CHANGE as seen through the gospel story of the healing of the blind man (Mark 8:22...). This story is highlighted in Week 2. Jesus led the blind man out of town, in order to give him his sight back.
To repeat, change is always a step by step process. The first stage of change is when a person may not even realize that change is necessary or even possible (although Jesus as well as the person’s friends could see more clearly his need). The blind man in this story didn’t ask for healing; his friends did. He could have perhaps kept on going in his life as he had been; no change hoped for or accomplished.
The second stage of change is when a person becomes aware, admits and understands that they indeed need to redirect their life, that a change is needed. The blind man agreed to go on a walk with Jesus; he finally knew something should be done and his life turned around. Imagine as Jesus walked and talked with him, how choices would have become clear. He would be able with his spirit to now “see” a new possibility for tomorrow and a reason for hope.
Next, he allows Jesus to (of all things) spit on his eyes! He was at the important phase of change, which showed him accepting whenever and however Jesus the Healer would decide to work with him. He was building up his trust in this man Jesus as healer but also as friend.
Then, after receiving his sight, Jesus knew what type of TOTAL healing was necessary. He knew that if the blind man went back into town, he just might fall into some very harmful habits and patterns. So Jesus said bluntly, “Don’t go back to your old life! Leave that village where you were at for so long and enter a brand-new part of your life so you might live free and productively”. This was the final stage of healing: accepting and maintaining new thought patterns and beliefs, so that they could be embraced as a new way of everyday living.
Please note that during this entire story, Jesus was right next to this man. And He also is and will be next to each member of your group!
Moving on to “Grief” …
Understanding this process will help you find where a person is at, help you substitute a bright hope instead of a negative stone around their necks, and help the person stop the downward spiral to additional suffering in the final stages. Here are the stages…
* I find myself in DENIAL: this can be experienced as a sense of detachment and numbness from your feelings, and others. Then…
* I find myself ANGRY: this can be experienced as an overall agitation, irritability and aggressiveness. You may find yourself surprised at your over reaction to the smallest irritation in your daily life. This can lead to overall fatigue and difficulty sleeping. Then…
* I find myself in BARGAINING AND CONTROL: this can be experienced as hyper-vigilant problem solving to fix and change the situation. Then…
* I find myself in WITHDRAWAL: this stage can be experienced as isolating from social interaction. You may experience a difficulty enjoying activities that at one time you found rewarding and refreshing. And finally…
* I find myself HOPELESS and SHUT DOWN: this stage can be experienced as resignation to what is perceived as inevitable.
Keep in mind that people can go forward or backwards in these stages. It is important to realize that bringing comfort to grief involves recognizing the stage someone is in and making sure they understand that alternative choices can be made to that process. Choices are always available! We can listen to words from Jesus that bring us healing, or own thoughts, or even words from the “enemy” that bring us down.
For example, as Denial is recognized, a choice to cry out to Jesus and others provides a safe place to receive comfort … we’re no longer alone. Similarly, acknowledgment of Anger offers an alternative … to release this reaction to Jesus. Rather than hypervigilant Control/Bargaining, trust and comfort can be chosen. Instead of Withdrawal, a personal relationship with Jesus, and then others, can bring hope and growth. The above-mentioned choices, which substitute turning to Jesus rather than turning inwards on ourselves, will lead to hope, joy and abundant life!
The next part of this Guide will provide pertinent information to help you more deeply understand each week’s goals, and how each week “flows”. Also, practical ideas as to how to assist in accomplishing these goals will be suggested. Most, importantly, let the Holy Spirit lead you regarding what is needed for your personal group. Trust the Holy Spirit for flexibility!
Click HERE to go to Weeks 1 & 2
Click HERE to return to the Facilitator's Guide Introduction page