WORKSHEET
Seeing our Early Loss Clearly, with Ages
Seeing our Early Loss Clearly, with Ages
A "WORKSHEET" is simply a way for you to look squarely at yourself and see where you are. Like a GPS system in your car or in your phone, you have to know where you're at, honestly, clearly and completely.
At the beginning of these worksheets, take time to pause and quiet yourself. This is a great time for reflection as to how to care for yourself. Ask the Holy Spirit for inspiration and insight as you work through this worksheet.
Worksheets can be printed so you can reflect on them later, or perhaps your device has the ability to make notes right on the Worksheet page, then you can save the Worksheet in your device for later review.
This particular Worksheet "Scale" is revealing and therefore valuable because it helps explain WHEN our feelings and beliefs were formed! Several research studies have found that many of our core needs (click HERE to refer back to "WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW" page) actually have been met and filled, or unmet and unfulfilled, quite early in life, from infancy to and through our teen years and beyond. Quite often we do not even realize where we are today on such a scale as shown below, and just as often we can't figure out why we think and feel the way we do, let alone how we came to this point in our life. In short, the age you were when this event occurred is as important as the event itself.
Losses occur within the reality of everyday experiences. As a result, as you answer the following questions, you may begin to remember certain events that are very associated with loss of your human core needs, needs that you may be coping with even to this day. At the end of this worksheet you will be invited to create a "Memory Log" for future healing. This "Log" will help you remember the most important events in your life that impacted you and still do to this day. By the way, these events may have been negative or positive.
Try to remember these stages in your own life!
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Birth to 1 1/2 years old:
Unlovable and Frightened as opposed to Feeling Deeply Loved and Secure
* Describe the circumstances in your family at the time of your birth.
* How might these circumstances have affected your sense that you would be cared for, protected and loved?
* Did your mother have a positive sense of self-esteem?
* What about your father's sense of self-esteem?
1 1/2 to 3 years old:
Unaccepted and Inadequate as opposed to Accepted and Capable
* How did your parents discipline?
* Did you feel overly controlled, or that everything was "out of control"?
* Were you encouraged to be dependent or independent?
* What (if any) emotions were commonly expressed and shared in your family?
* Describe the ways in which your family showed affection.
3 to 6 years old:
Unworthy/“Bad” as opposed to Worthy/”Good”
* Were your attempts to show feelings, ask questions, solve problems or take risks encouraged with love, or were you criticized and made fun of?
6 years old to Puberty:
Isolation, Incompetent and Inferiority as opposed to Belonging, Capable and Included
* What are your most positive/negative memories of these years with your family and environment?
* What are your most positive/negative memories of your school, friends and peers?
Ages 12-18:
Insignificant and without Purpose as opposed to Significant and with a sense of Purpose
* Describe these years of transition from childhood to adulthood.
* What would you change, and what did you learn from them?
* Were you beginning to grow in your spiritual life?
Ages 19-35:
Lonely as opposed to Intimacy/Joy
* What strengths have you built into your life because of your personal history?
* How may your personal history be affecting your relationship with God, your spouse and children?
CREDIT: Adapted from Erik Erikson's "Pychosocial Stages of Development"
Now that you have completed this worksheet and are ready to "tell your story", you may want to work with a specific memory that came to your mind, or you may prefer a more general approach to receiving comfort and healing!
It's a great time to talk with Jesus about what has become more clear to you. As you do this, remember that He is with you, He sees you, He hears your call for help, He understands you with deep empathy, and His heart of Love intervenes to work all things together for good.
And a good conversation goes both ways, so be sure to then listen for all the insights He has for you! He will make the Scriptures you need come alive, He may use songs, He may use images, He may use "word-pictures", etc., all prepared especially for you and only you at this time of your healing and growth! A "Memory Log" (a list of important events in your life) will help you communicate clearly with Jesus, as He begins to comfort you. We will remind you in future weeks to work on your own "Memory Log".
At the beginning of these worksheets, take time to pause and quiet yourself. This is a great time for reflection as to how to care for yourself. Ask the Holy Spirit for inspiration and insight as you work through this worksheet.
Worksheets can be printed so you can reflect on them later, or perhaps your device has the ability to make notes right on the Worksheet page, then you can save the Worksheet in your device for later review.
This particular Worksheet "Scale" is revealing and therefore valuable because it helps explain WHEN our feelings and beliefs were formed! Several research studies have found that many of our core needs (click HERE to refer back to "WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW" page) actually have been met and filled, or unmet and unfulfilled, quite early in life, from infancy to and through our teen years and beyond. Quite often we do not even realize where we are today on such a scale as shown below, and just as often we can't figure out why we think and feel the way we do, let alone how we came to this point in our life. In short, the age you were when this event occurred is as important as the event itself.
Losses occur within the reality of everyday experiences. As a result, as you answer the following questions, you may begin to remember certain events that are very associated with loss of your human core needs, needs that you may be coping with even to this day. At the end of this worksheet you will be invited to create a "Memory Log" for future healing. This "Log" will help you remember the most important events in your life that impacted you and still do to this day. By the way, these events may have been negative or positive.
Try to remember these stages in your own life!
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Birth to 1 1/2 years old:
Unlovable and Frightened as opposed to Feeling Deeply Loved and Secure
* Describe the circumstances in your family at the time of your birth.
* How might these circumstances have affected your sense that you would be cared for, protected and loved?
* Did your mother have a positive sense of self-esteem?
* What about your father's sense of self-esteem?
1 1/2 to 3 years old:
Unaccepted and Inadequate as opposed to Accepted and Capable
* How did your parents discipline?
* Did you feel overly controlled, or that everything was "out of control"?
* Were you encouraged to be dependent or independent?
* What (if any) emotions were commonly expressed and shared in your family?
* Describe the ways in which your family showed affection.
3 to 6 years old:
Unworthy/“Bad” as opposed to Worthy/”Good”
* Were your attempts to show feelings, ask questions, solve problems or take risks encouraged with love, or were you criticized and made fun of?
6 years old to Puberty:
Isolation, Incompetent and Inferiority as opposed to Belonging, Capable and Included
* What are your most positive/negative memories of these years with your family and environment?
* What are your most positive/negative memories of your school, friends and peers?
Ages 12-18:
Insignificant and without Purpose as opposed to Significant and with a sense of Purpose
* Describe these years of transition from childhood to adulthood.
* What would you change, and what did you learn from them?
* Were you beginning to grow in your spiritual life?
Ages 19-35:
Lonely as opposed to Intimacy/Joy
* What strengths have you built into your life because of your personal history?
* How may your personal history be affecting your relationship with God, your spouse and children?
CREDIT: Adapted from Erik Erikson's "Pychosocial Stages of Development"
Now that you have completed this worksheet and are ready to "tell your story", you may want to work with a specific memory that came to your mind, or you may prefer a more general approach to receiving comfort and healing!
It's a great time to talk with Jesus about what has become more clear to you. As you do this, remember that He is with you, He sees you, He hears your call for help, He understands you with deep empathy, and His heart of Love intervenes to work all things together for good.
And a good conversation goes both ways, so be sure to then listen for all the insights He has for you! He will make the Scriptures you need come alive, He may use songs, He may use images, He may use "word-pictures", etc., all prepared especially for you and only you at this time of your healing and growth! A "Memory Log" (a list of important events in your life) will help you communicate clearly with Jesus, as He begins to comfort you. We will remind you in future weeks to work on your own "Memory Log".